Let Me Tell You About A Boy

So. I am in love with this kid. He's not my kid but well I've had thoughts about stealing him and moving to Canada.

He's just three shades of amazing. When I see him my soul jumps out of my body, stacks krabby patties, does the cat daddy, and basically two steps through a cloud of happiness. I watch him two days a week and for real it's like the greatest part of my week. He has the best character. He's currently going through a "I don't like diapers" phase which is comical. OccupyFreePenis!



His name is Oscar. He's beautiful and funny and just too much for this life. My favorite part about him is his gangster stare/nursury eyes. Come get some ladies. OccupySexyBaby.

My second favorite part about him is his eating game. OccupyMyTummy.







I love the fact that I'm here from the begining and I'll be able to tell him all kinds of things and share with him all the important things in life. I look at him and I think to myself this child is so important to me and I have NO CLUE WHY. Even when I'm changing his poop diaper or his gas smelling pee. Even when he does his fake attention cry or is fussy because he wants a nap and won't sleep I love every inch of him.

I can't explain it. It's a mystery. I just want to make sure that he's ok all the time. He has AMAZING parents. A wonderful, caring, brilliant, modern, concerned, attentive, mother; and a supportive, affectionate, doting, intelligent father. He lacks for nothing. He's perfectly healthy. I'm superfluous in every way in his life but still.  . . there are moments when I'm singing to him and he's staring at my mouth and trying to imitate the sounds I'm making. Or when he's playing with my fingers and trying to figure out how his own fingers work when I think, what about this time is he going to keep?  Does it matter what he keeps? It is enough for me to know that I was here and then I wasn't? If this kid told me he wanted to go to the moon I would help him get there. And I can't figure out WHY.

There was a period when I was babysitting him when I was really sick. I could barely take a few steps without needing to take a breath. But I didn't even entertain the idea of NOT going to care for him. Every moment with him is precious. He's precious. He's a discovery. He's a reaffirmation of life. He's a mystery. I've learned what his cries mean. I've learned how to tell when he's sleepy or hungry.  He's a comfort and obnoxious and hilarious and confusing and frustrating and fantastic. He has straight up Divo moods that crack me up. And when he finally does go to sleep it's like a fit of narcolepsy that I'm dying to get on tape one day.

I believe that if you don't genuinely want to drop your child off at a fire station at least once a month then your child is BORING and you should get him/her tested. Oscar is right on schedule.