Injustice is more dealy than....

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“Love your neighbor as yourself” means you picture yourself (or your child) being choked and surrounded by five men while you say, “I can’t breathe,” –Scott Slayton. 

 After the police in Staten Island choked Eric Garner (pictured above) to death on camera with a complete disregard for his safety, life, or the rule of law, I had some frank conversations with my friends about the police state and how people of color are affected in exponentially greater numbers. We know the police work hard. We know they are in a dangerous profession but they chose that profession. Unarmed black people being killed didn't chose that option. The fact that citizens commit crimes against other citizens isn't relevant to the oppression of systemically racist policing. We don't pay private citizens to keep us safe. We pay the police to keep us safe, not to shoot first and lie about it later.

 While having a conversation with a white friend I realized something. Our biggest obstacle to equality is passive racism. It’s the every day subtle thoughtlessness that people don't realize perpetuate racial stereotypes.  We were discussing a residential issue. A white neighbor with some racist tendencies kept calling the police on her black neighbor because she felt he had too many people “coming and going” into HIS HOUSE. This man was a legal landholder and has the right to have whoever he wants over whenever he wants. After several calls the police told her that her neighbor has the right to have guests as long as they aren’t violating noise restrictions, which he wasn’t. The white neighbor wasn’t impressed and continued to call the police about the “suspicious” characters who would visit her black neighbor. The man owned a music studio and had a lot of people use the sound proof studio in his basement to record music. My white friend suggested that the black neighbor should go over and try to make peace with the white neighbor. She said that he should “be the bigger person” and try to find some common ground with her. He should work to assuage her fears and help her see him as a homeowner equal to herself. My friend put the onus on the harassed black man to prove his right to exist in a legal manner.  Here’s the deal, if a woman was being harassed by a man and someone suggested SHE approach him to stop the harassment that would be considered a callous solution. However, black people are expected to not only passively accept harassment but also to then change the behavior of the harassers by submitting to their prejudice. Be the bigger person and kneel before the oppressor and beg for our humanity.

“We are tired of being the bigger person”, I said.

“We? What do you mean we? I didn’t realized black people operated on a fucking hive mentality,” she replied.

There it was. Clear as day. Black people are smart enough to think for themselves, there is no overarching queen and mindless drones working towards a collective survival. Black people (like all humans) have the capability of thinking for themselves and we do not work as one monolith. However, are white people able to see us as individuals when it's inconvenient to do so? 

 Society tends to see black people as a unit, they transmute characters between individuals, those characteristics are immutable until that unit desires collective bargaining or demands realization that collective/shared trauma is real and should be remedied. In that moment society demands that each black person become an individual.

The collective trauma black people suffer from was inflicted by a system designed to prioritize white people. White racist misogynists created our country and it’s hard to shake the legacy they set in place. It’s even harder to admit the traumatic effect of that legacy on black people. If that trauma is legitimate then white people must admit our trauma is the result of white privilege. If they admit to white privilege they have to question a system set up to benefit them and their children.

I would imagine that self-reflection of that magnitude is terrifying. Instead society continues to make black people the “other” that is dangerous and scary. There is a wealth of statistical information that says white people perceive black people as stronger, more violent, and a lot older than their actual ages. White people who know a few black people who may have unfavorable characteristics will then transfer those characteristics to ALL black people. For instance, these are actual things white people have said to me regarding racial inequity…

“ Well, cabs didn’t stop for you because we’ve had a few cab drivers who were robbed by black people”

“Look, the cops shot that unarmed black child because some OTHER black kids beat up a bus driver two weeks ago”

“He was choked to death because of his SIZE”

“My cousin was robbed at gun point by some young black kids so…”

“I see black women use EBT cards at the store while carrying designer bags and driving expensive cars which shows that black people don’t really value hard work and saving”

My friend isn’t a racist. She doesn’t believe white people are superior to black people. But she is reluctant to see just how many ways white privilege and institutional racism permeate our society. Our country is centuries old. It is only within the last 50 years that we have actually made a concerted countrywide effort to recognize ethnic equality. Compare centuries of bigotry, prejudice, and hatred running through the veins of our country sickening us like diabetes. In the last 50 years we’ve tried to inject insulin to remedy the illness but it obviously will take awhile to show positive effects.

One of the lingering effects is that there are no individual sins with regards to black people. The sins of one are the sins of many. However, the grievances of one are NOT the grievances of many.

It’s a convenient logic. To deny the reality of collective trauma is to support a philosophy that blames the oppressed and absolves the oppressor. It is the logic of the lazy ally. White people who lack a basic understanding of how institutional racism works and of how they benefit for from racism would like for black people to help them understand. They ask for patience and understanding however, black people are often required to couch our language so that white allies continue to engage. Black people have learned to tailor our language when speaking to white people about racism so that we don’t offend. We make sure they use accessible language and don’t sound too harsh because then the white person will get cagey and not want to talk about it anymore. Therein lies the crux of the issue. White people can choose not talk about racism.

Most black people can’t go their entire lives without discussing racism. The reason black people assume racism is involved in the murders of Eric Garner, Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, and a host of other unarmed black people is because we were raised in households with elders who remember the segregation.  The Civil Rights Movement was NOT THAT LONG AGO. To think that the government could legislate what has taken centuries to cultivate is one of the best fairy tales I've ever heard. White racists based entire social organizations and familial structures on their belief in racial superiority. All those people didn't just magically die out and take their entire racist blood line with them. Black people remember this. We can't forget it. We don't have the luxury. 

This country was settled by the west centuries ago. We still see it every day. We are slapped in the face with it. We don’t get the luxury of forgetting. White men with a criminal record are more likely to be hired than black men with college degrees. When faced with THAT reality how do you explain away the trauma of knowing you can follow all the rules and it still won’t matter? It's unacceptable to tell Jews to get over their genocide. When Irish and Polish immigrants discuss the hardships they faced after emigrating here we listen with reverence. When Japanese Americans discuss their encampment during the second World War we respect it. Only black people are told to "get over" slavery. That would be easier if the effects of slavery weren't still splattered all across the American landscape.

For my 30^th Birthday I went to Las Vegas with my sister and my cousin. I was sick (a lupus flare up) and a little under the weather. I rented a scooter to get around. I wasn’t moving fast enough for the group of white men who were walking behind us. They called us “nigger bitches” several times and threatened to rape and beat us. I am an attorney, barred in two states and I still get followed around while shopping in stores. People ask and say bigoted things to me at work and in public. Despite all this I’m asked to let it wash off my back like water off a duck’s feathers.  It is hard. I don’t think white people realize how hard that is. It’s like telling a woman who has been sexually assaulted to just “get over it”. You wouldn’t say that to someone who is the victim of abuse …so why is that acceptable to say to black people who are the victims of systemic and persistent abuse. 

So what next? What is the purpose of this discussion? The purpose is discussion. WE need to have open honest and forward dialogue between black people and white people. We need to have to this. When black people talk about white supremacists and racists we are not talking about ALL WHITE PEOPLE. White ally's can help by not taking discussions of institutional racism as accusations.  White people ally’s need to talk to other white people and start checking everyone’s privilege.  White people are reluctant to see their privilege when confronted by black people. When the message comes from other white people it is more palatable. Additionally, when white people can speak about institutional racism in a logical and coherent manner black people feel like they are being heard. Speaking with compassion and understanding (not shame) will help people of color feel respected and valued. Educate yourselves and stand up when you see injustice.