The month of August*Brings emotions to the surface
Because of two major events that happened in that month
But ten years apart…
In 1998, I got married
Walked down an aisle with a bouquet of beautiful flowers
Bright & Warm
In 2008, I was ill
And walked down the aisle with a noisy metal IV pole
Cold & Pale
Both times, I wore a billowy white gown
In the month of August
Most people remember their wedding anniversary. Unfortunately for me, my illness took away a date that should be remembered and cherished. I had originally wanted to celebrate my ten year anniversary with a Luau-themed party but instead I ended up in the hospital with a Total Gastrectomy and a medical bill.
In the beginning…
When things are good
And laughter comes freely…
And then…
One day
It becomes real
Suddenly,
You're tired
Frustrated
Arguments
Over stupid things.
Because no one wants to see someone that they love sick, but we have no idea how to deal with it…
To scream the words we CAN NOT say lovingly
Because it hurts
Because we want our old life back
Relationships take work and they're hard enough on their own, but throw a chronic illness into the mix and it can really shake things up.
I wasn't ill when I met my husband. I was spontaneous. I was carefree. I was "healthy." Nothing was planned. We stayed out late, eating and drinking without hesitation. No doctor appointments (unless a cold surfaced.) and not a lot of medical bills in the mailbox.
And then…Bam!
The person that you knew for (weeks, months or years) becomes different…and it's not their fault.
Illness changes you
But are those with you
Ready to change too?
Being with someone who is ill takes commitment. It's easy to say, "It'll be okay, because I love them." but it ain't that simply. It can be a hard task to take on, seriously, but definitely something that can be done….IF you're ready.
Some people are. Some people are not…and it's not their fault.
People sometimes ask me…"Should I get into a relationship and tell them what I know? Or keep it a secret (until they fall madly in love with me?)
People sometimes ask me…"Why are things so different, does it get better with time?"
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda
So many questions
"Would you stay if I get sick?"
"Could I hear the answer to that question without crying?"
"Should I have said anything…or should I have waited?"
"Would that have made a difference"
"Could it?"
"Should it?"
I wish I could answer the questions that plague the minds of so many people…but I don't know the answer because every relationship is special and wonderfully unique. You might be surprised when someone who doesn't like your dirty tennis shoes holds your hair back when you throw up.
You might be amazed at that person who waits patiently in the ER when usually a fast food order gets them frazzled.
But you know deep down, when it's the right time and although you might have made mistakes in the past
You'll know
You just have to trust yourself.
*August 15 means 15 years married and 21 years together and still hanging in there :)
Kat is amazing. If you want to learn more about her check out her website -->
http://www.mycrazycolon.com/index.html
