Prophet in music.

NO Adele.
No I don't want to remember. Thank you. But I appreciate you reminding me. Adele's album 21 makes me want her to be heartbroken for life. I feel like her in a healthy happy relationship might just be the worst thing to happen to my ipod. She hits the notes and presses lyrics into my mind that gives me the feeling that Black Jesus came down from heaven to save just me from myself.

"when was the last time you thought of me"
well shit. right now asshole. You know I can't erase you from my memory. I LOVED you dickhead. When you love someone they take a piece of you with them when they stomp out of your life with your heart in the bottom of their shoe.

Adele is that kind of artist who makes me KNOW for sure that I am not alone in my loneliness and despair. She let's me know that it's ok that I'm handicapped in love.

She throws all of her inadequacies out on the table and is bare and raw and real and humble and brave and indignant all at the same time.

" But I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness, and a wondering eye and a heaviness in my head . . .but don't you remember? The reason you loved me before? Baby please remember. . .me. . .once more. . ."

And you know WHY my heart is fickle? Why I'm a little bitter? Because of the LAST bitch who hurt my got damn feelings. Jesus is lesson learned. The Lord is a timid deer. He has brought me this far and he would like me to live to see a cure to my Lupus and that can't happen if I let my whole self get lost in love.

"You used to love me"

ha. Well. I also used to shit my pants. Really. And when I was a child I did childish things but then I because a woman and I put away the things of my childhood. (except for cartoons, and ice cream, and you know board games).

"You used to love me"

maybe you still do. Maybe I still love you. But on all that is holy and Tina Turner's wig just because you love someone doesn't mean you need to BE with them. And that is the lesson that is being eased into my the soft place at the base of my skull behind my ears with THIS song.

And thaaaaaaaaaaat is the point isn't it.  that's the entire entirety wholistic all inclusive point of it. Isn't it? The reason we break up with people. There is ALWAYS a reason. but then we break up and we fall in love again 10 minutes after that door shuts and in those quiet moments we turn to that empty space in the bed and we think to ourselves wait . . . Why are they gone? OR we deal with someone who has left us and we have to fight every adult instinct in our body to not beg them to come back. Some of us don't fight, and we do beg but really that is rarely successful.

Adele is brilliant in her honest portrayal of a broken relationship and the truth of something that cannot and should not be fixed. Memories fad and bad memories sometimes fad the quickest. For those of us who have suffered trauma at the hands of loved ones this is a blessing but we must be vigilant. Faded memories should never lead to ignorance and repetition of the mistakes that lead to heartbreak.